In the News
A Table For Tots At Holiday Meals
©2007, The Hartford Courant
by
Courant Staff Writer
November 16, 2007
Holiday meals are a challenge for hosts and hostesses, but perhaps most of all, they test small fry, children from tots to teenagers who are expected to stay still, sit up straight, keep napkins on laps, ignore the discomfiting itch of frilly holiday clothes, and endure hours of adult conversation until, finally, dessert is done and the magic words “May I please be excused?” may be spoken.
In many families, the way around this pint-size endurance test is a kids’ table, an arrangement of diminutively scaled tables and chairs designed to accommodate the younger generation.
For grown-ups, a kids’ table preserves a measure of civility in the adult realm (provided Uncle Joey doesn’t ingest the contents of the holiday punch bowl). Hosts can be relatively assured that Granny Mae’s heirloom tablecloth won’t be destroyed by gravy stains. Adult conversation flourishes. And Uncle Milt can help himself to thirds without worrying that he prevents little Jimmy from racing back to his cousin’s Wii.
But if having a kid’s table is a longstanding tradition, it poses a number of questions from how or why to set one up to how to help keep children in their chairs.
“Kids’ tables are usually a result of practicality when facing limited space,” says Michele O’Reilly, founder and director of the Connecticut School of Etiquette in Darien and an etiquette consultant at the Protocol School of Washington.
“They are also a refuge for revelers less inclined to converse than to rumble. “Depending on various cultures, dinner may span over several hours,” O’Reilly says. “Expecting children especially those under age 10 to sit down for this length of time is unrealistic. The notion of the kids’ table enables children to be excused while adults linger without having to fill in gaps left by absent children.”
Leon Rappoport, professor emeritus of psychology at Kansas State University and author of “How We Eat: Appetite, Culture, and the Psychology of Food,” says children may find relief at the kids’ table. “In most instances, it’s safe to assume that kids between 4 ... and 12 even prefer not to be shoe-horned in among adults they may not know very well, or to feel the anxious weight of trying to act grown up, with good table manners.”
Unless hosts and hostesses plan on piling phone books atop adult-size chairs, creating and setting a kids’ table takes some planning.
“It’s great to have enough kid-size furniture to seat all your young holiday guests especially babies and toddlers,” says Jodi Levine, editorial director of Kids at Martha Stewart Living. “Parents can’t always bring proper seating for their little one, but it makes the meal so much more relaxed if they have a safe place to put them.”
High chairs, booster seats or kid-size furniture should all be considered.
In her own home, Levine uses high-chair seating for her children whether they are seated separately or with the adults. “I am a big fan of clip-on seats or tray-less high chairs that keep babies and toddlers right at the table with their families,” says Levine. “Both my sons 1½ and 4½ years old sit in Stokke’s Tripp Trapp high chair, which adjusts to accommodate everyone from older babies who can sit up to adults. If we’re pinched for space, we’ll move our kids to a kids’ table and use those seats for grown-ups!”
When setting a table for kids, Levine believes, “There’s no reason that children shouldn’t sit at a properly set table just like the grown-ups” without the wine glasses or sharp knives, of course.
Which Fork Goes Where
Getting kids to help with the table setting is a terrific opportunity to teach lessons about place settings and table manners.
“As children age, it would be beneficial to ask them to help set the table, providing guidelines or a sample place setting for them to follow,” says O’Reilly. “Children are very creative and love to be of help. Employing them to design personalized place mats, place cards, menu cards or centerpieces for the tables is a great way to engage children while teaching them about table manners.” (For a printable diagram of a place setting, go to http://www.marthastewart.com and search for “place-setting practice.")
Even with appropriately scaled furniture, keeping kids in their seats can be a challenge.
“It may be unrealistic to have young children seated until dessert,” says O’Reilly. “Many times, families take a break between dinner and dessert. This is a great time to introduce a holiday craft, a game, or take a walk with members of the family.”
Fun And Games
Restaurants that cater to families often provide crayons and paper place mats with mazes and connect-the-dots games. Others hand out amusements including pipe cleaners.
Before choosing table favors for a kids’ table, consult an expert a kid.
“Have your child come up with ideas for decorations or table-friendly activities,” says Levine. “A kraft paper tablecloth is fun for coloring (parents can draw some outlines of turkeys or the Mayflower and set out cups of crayons). Kids can pretend to make the Pilgrims’ voyage to the New World on a table runner made from an inexpensive paper map of the world, with small folded paper or toy boats ‘floating’ on top.”
Levine also suggests finding some Thanksgiving trivia online (search for “turkey trivia” at http://www.marthastewart.com) and giving each child a place card with a question on the front and an answer on the back for fun mealtime quizzing.
Sitting Together
The presence of a kids’ table inevitably presents the question of when a child is allowed to “graduate” and sit with the grown-ups. In many families, this depends on available space and the ages of the other children.
But not everyone is an unqualified fan of the children’s table.
Martin Jones, professor of archaeological science at Cambridge University and author of “Feast: Why Humans Share Food,” recalls settings in which it was expected that he and his children would sit apart.
“It’s a lot more civilized now, and thankfully is falling into line with cultures further south in Europe, where men, women, mothers and babies, children and teenagers can share food and delight in each other’s company in homes and in public places alike,” he says.
He believes the tradition of kids’ tables began in 19th century bourgeois society, which put etiquette before the natural inclinations of squirming tots.
“The only thing the ‘squirming tots’ offend is the system of etiquette that was actively fashioned in total disregard of their needs in the first place,” he says.
David Fassler, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont, says, “Children’s tables work in some families and not in others. If there are lots of kids who all know each other, it can be fun. However, a shy child who doesn’t know the other children will probably feel uncomfortable. They’d be happier sitting with their parents.
“If a child really doesn’t want to sit at a children’s table, I’d probably try and find a way around it,” he says. “It’s generally best to try and avoid power struggles or tantrums in the midst of a holiday celebration.”